Either rule or follow

August 14, 2008

From the time we open our eyes in this world, we cry out loud to gain attention, to belong somewhere. At first we adapt ourselves to the way our parents raise us at home and then we change to fit ourselves in school and other new places we go to. We keep taming ourselves to fit the various circles of people classified in the name of culture, religion etc. The society keeps drawing lines on many individual dreams…wait a minute, but who is this society and who gave them the right?

Many of us have forgotten our own dreams to make others happy so that we are accepted by others…we make others’s dreams as our own and try to live up to it. For example, many parents, right from the infant age of their children, keep drilling in their head what career paths to choose, so how will that child have a dream of his/her own when he/she has been always fantasized about that thing only? Why do parents want to make all decisions for them? They want to make their children ‘acceptable’ in the society.

But what is “acceptable” and who defines it? This is not only in terms of career but also when it comes to selecting life partners. Even if parents accept their child’s chosen partner they try to hide the fact from their relatives and other family friend. In some cases the children, especially daughters, just give in to whoever their parents have chosen for them for the fear of being criticized or insecurity as it is less likely that they will get support from their parents if they don’t follow their will; that is they are scared of being responsible of their own decisions. They are so dependent on their parents for making each and every decision for them that they are not confident enough about.

I know a lady who married the one she was in love with and got divorced and later on got married to a different man. People criticize her and make faces upon seeing her, besides; gossiping is a favorite pass time of the Bangladeshis. She just did what she felt was right for her and faces the world boldly. Because divorce is not a common practice in our Bangladeshi culture, this lady has become the scorn of the entire community. Why is it that sometimes following your own heart builds up so much of insecurity in yourself? Is it the fear of being alienated from the society? Doing something different from the norm has always been criticized.

Some people are scared to experiment with life; they just want to make the perfect decisions. Unfortunately, mistake is a Homo Sapien’s trademark. It’s us who make up this society….the bold ones are the ones who makes the rules and the rest just follow. It’s just because some people have taken up the challenges of life, there has been changes in our culture or else it would have been just the same as our ancestors. If you believe in yourself and think you are right you should be bold enough to live your life. The struggle for belongingness will continue forever; don’t live your life in the fear of others instead be a ruler!

Either rule or follow

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